Monthly Archives: May 2012

My Mojo and I went a-shopping

My Mojo and I said knackers to the cleaning and went out and bought more presents instead.

I have spent the last hour wrapping them and have realised that with what I’ve spent I could have probably paid off a small country’s national debt!

This is what happens when you give birth on your husband’s birthday – you can’t spread the expense, it’s a double whammy every year!

They are worth it though – even though Husband is a grumpy git and Child is a lippy little so-and-so at times!


Where’s my Mojo buggered off to??

Bluuuuh, that’s how I feel today, bluh…you know that feeling when you’re lacking any form of motivation whatsoever?

My Cleaning Fairy packed her bags in disgust ages ago so I’ve got loads to do as we are having a party for Husband and Child’s  birthday this weekend. But instead I am sat here trying to work up the motivation to move from the sofa.

My inner slattern is telling me that there will be loads of people here anyway so they won’t notice I haven’t wiped the skirting boards but I can’t listen to her – she’s a right mucky cow.

Oh well, think I’ll have another coffee and psych myself into believing I am a combination of Anthea Turner and Kim n Aggie


Relief is a very underrated emotion. But it is a truly wonderful one. Went back to see the specialist today with BabySisterBee to get the results of her bone marrow sample. The news is good – there is no leukaemia, no blood cancer or anything of that horrible ilk.
She still has to undergo more tests and is being referred to a rheumatologist to see if the problem lies there but at least it’s not the Big C.
Relief really does “wash” over you. When the consultant said those words, I felt like I’d sunk into a warm bath and could finally exhale and this grey old dreary day suddenly looks a bit brighter.

Child + Breakfast

Let me just start by saying Child completes me. I begin where he ends and I’m pretty sure we’ve been together in many previous lives. But Jesus he annoys me at breakfast time! He has very weird and particular tastes when it comes to brekkie which usually involve me putting more effort in than is necessary – or sane. His list of acceptable breakfasts include:

  • Fruit salad with chocolate dip
  • Salami, ham and crackers
  • Egg white omelette (oh I kid you not)
  • Bacon and sausage Sandwich

Toast? A bowl of cereal? Oh that my life were that simple….

This morning I went for the easy option, I threw some salami slices and ritz crackers on a plate only to be told “aw muuuuum, you’ve let the salami touch the crackers!”

I told him to either ring Childline or get a life. Harsh maybe but at the time I was trying to “spread” my toast with just-out-of-the-fridge Lurpak (I have very simple breakfast tastes), I may as well have ripped the toast into pieces and thrown a few globules of rock hard butter at it and saved 2 minutes of my life as that’s how it always ends up but I don’t really like soft butter, and I only like the crusts, and I don’t like it if the wrong side is buttered……….

Beebee’s Book Club – Fifty Shades Of Grey by E L James

There’s been a lot of discussion about this book so I’d like to add my twopen’orth.

The plot in a nutshell is that a young, handsome billionaire meets a virginal Uni student and they enter into a relationship – but it’s no ordinary relationship. He only has relationships with women he can dominate in every way and wants her to sign a contract stating that she will be his “submissive” and allow him to do whatever he wants to her, whenever he wants to do it.

Firstly, it’s crammed full of sex – and kinky sex at that! It’s not for the prudish by any means as there are very graphic descriptions of all sorts of sexual deviancies on every other page!

But I think that takes away from what is a very good story – the sex is integral to the plot but basically it’s a love story about a very damaged individual and a naive, unsullied young girl and how their experiences and personalities shape each other. 

It is part of a trilogy  and is followed by Fifty Shades Darker  and Fifty Shades Freed.

I downloaded all three books onto my kindle and read them within a week. I was gripped from start to finish – and no, not because of the sex!!

I would definitely recommend all three books. I can’t wait for the film which is currently in production – although I might have to wear a dirty mac to the cinema!!

Can this day get any better??

Husband has decided to watch snooker and child, with a pitying look on his face, has taken himself off to climb trees/make mud pies/spray paInt the village hall or whatever it is 11-yr-old boys find cool these days. So I find myself closeted in my bedroom eating Krackawheat with Lurpack (I have no cheese -could things be any worse?) about to watch Holby City on Sky Plus….

Now if that’s not the perfect description of a rock star lifestyle I don’t know what is!

I am going to eat the crackers on husband’s side of the bed and hope the crumbs find their way into his arse crack at silly o’clock tonight. Mwahahahaha

Here’s a poll for you…

Does anyone ever do anything exciting on a Bank Holiday??

Or is everyone like me – sat at home, pissed off because you believe that everyone is doing something wildly exciting? I always imagine my friends looking like the latest M&S ad, spending quality time at a fabulous picnic with their much-more-interesting-friends–than-us, whilst gazing at their perfect children running around looking edible as their significant other looks on proudly with a “so lucky she’s mine” vibe going on.

Please tell me that in reality you too are sat in your dressing gown/thread veins combo feeling as though you really ought to be doing something/going somewhere exciting but in reality just can’t be arsed….

Hello world!

Well, welcome to me…

I started this blog out of boredom really, it’s a cold Bank Holiday Monday. Husband is too bloody tight to take us anywhere (he can peel an orange in his pocket, that one). Child is watching some annoying shite on Cartoon Network. So rather than run screaming down the street in my fetching Mr Men dressing gown/cellulite from the knees up combo I’ve decided to put the contents of my very crowded mind into the ether .

At least the neighbours will be spared….

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